Shadow Warrior 3, Serious Sam 4, and all the jokes and hijinks shown during Devolver Digital’s 2020 event

Blood! Gore! Not giving even a remote damn about the rest of the gaming industry. These are things that the Devolver Digital yearly press conference is known for. Usually they lampoon E3 presentations…. But there is no E3 this year! How will they make light of this strange world we now live in and what products will they have to shove down the throats of us greedy consumers? Let’s take a look.

Shadow Warrior 3

Do you like ninjas? Do you like murder? Do you like both ninjas and murder? Well Shadow Warrior 3 has ninjas and murder! Parkour your way around environments, slice demons in half, use a shotgun for all we care. Ninjas can use shotguns. Don’t judge. It’s a bit like Doom if Doom had ninjas and was even more tongue in cheek than it already was. Shadow Warrior 3 will launch sometime in 2021.

Fall Guys

Wow, they got former President of SIE Worldwide Studios, Shuhei Yoshida, to participate in this madness… and cannibalism apparently. Anyway, Fall Guys is a massively multiplayer online party game. Sixty players join a game and participate in different activities, from platformer courses, to resource gathering fests, to straight up battles. The last weird cute thing to survive wins! Fall Guys will be launching on the PS4 and Steam on August 4.

Carrion

Well, the next host was a carrion tentacle beast. Yep. It hosted across from the Head of Xbox, Phil Spencer…. Not sure which one is more intimidating. Also appropriate that they are announcing Carrion Star as your own horrible tentacle flesh beast as you make your way through long labyrinths, hiding from threats, and eating people to add to your flesh pile. You can tentacle puppet people, leave pieces of yourself behind as traps, hide inside corpses, possess machines, and much more. Carrion will launch on July 23 on Xbox One, Switch, and PC.

Host of The Game Awards, Geoff Keighley, also made an appearance… so this year is just an example of how many big gaming celebs Devolver could get. Good for them. They are truly a soulless part of the marketing machine now.

Oh, and game developer Bennet Foddy? Announcing Getting Down with Bennet Foddy, a spinoff of his game Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy… oh no wait… no that’s just a diversion… unless you do what they say and will it into existence… we guess.

Then there’s developers Gabriela Salvatore and Dean Evans announcing… nothing… nothing except Beans. Beans is their new studio. They are working on something. They are hiring and you can apply at www.thebeansteam.com.

Professional esports player SonicFox announced a fake furry fighting game? Awesome. Now that’s one we’d play if it were real.

Then there’s Geralt’s bathtub…

Look we’re not typing just to fill space; this took up a huge portion of the direct!

Olija

Hey look we finally got a game announcement. This one is a brand new sprite based action adventure game with a dark twist to it. It’s a lot like those old 2D adventure games like early Prince of Persia but with a bit more of a combat focus… and a grappling hook… and it’s available now on Switch and Steam!

Serious Sam 4

Kind of weird to think that Serious Sam is still around while Duke Nukem is dead in a grave. Anyway Serious Sam 4 and all of its guns and death metal are coming soon, August soon. Get ready to bazooka some aliens, dual wield chainguns, and generally cause mayhem on Steam and Stadia this August.

Ah yes, then they had Nina Struthers tell us that we are garbage. Going as planned.

Devolver Land Expo

Oh my god they did it. They did it. They finally did it. E3 is canceled, but we can go anyway! Devolver Land Expo turns the E3 experience into a game. You can walk around booths, see presentations, play game demos, watch trailers all in a virtual convention hall space. They did it! They made E3 meta! They saved the gaming convention! We are all stuck here at home and we get to actually play the meaningless marketing hype! We can play it now! GO TO DEVOLVER’S E3 IN DIGITAL SPACE RIGHT NOW!!! On Steam! NOW!

Watch the entire presentation here: